It’s said a lot, but sometimes it seems that time really does dissolve and we can live life like a zombie going through the motions – we’re asleep. That’s been me recently, I’ve been imploding trying to survive the change in season, shifts in mood and feelings alongside a roundabout of pressures that I’m frustratingly reminded are self-imagined. Busy ‘doing’ life rather than enjoying life as an ever-changing dreamscape – is easier said than done. I’ve got ‘real world’ shit to deal with, says the ‘sensible’ hemisphere of my brain. Real life is pretty overwhelming at the moment, I’m struggling to cope with the demands of everyday life, I’m treading water hoping I don’t get cramp and sink! I seem to be constantly apologising for not messaging someone back, paying a bill, calling when I said I would…excuses, reasons and justifications as to why I haven’t prioritised that particular thing.
Working on creating for no other reason than it feels right. I can hear my saboteurs screaming, ‘Why’
‘What for?’ ‘When will you start earning money?’ ‘You need a real job’ ‘Get real, this is all self-indulgent nonsense’. It is, exactly that, self-indulgent nonsense but that’s why it’s so valuable, I can’t tell you how it’s like oxygen to create with no expectation of the outcome. Liberating.
I work better at night, in a small room rather than a light-filled studio.
Here is a painting I did the other evening, in oil, I really enjoyed the feeling when I was painting. Letting go and letting it flow. It’s far from perfect but then maybe it’s a mirror on my life situation – we’re all a work in progress.