Are Realists Crushing your dreams?

Dreamers are born dreamers

I have always been a dreamer. I was born an Aquarius. My default DNA I’m a dreamer. My parents worked hard to provide a stable childhood full of opportunities and instil common sense in my choices. They were realists. There was home, with Sprocket the cat, homework and a bookish brother with a fish tank in his bedroom. Growing pains are real. I used to run away a lot as a teenager to avoid conflict, slamming doors and hyperventilation were a recurring theme. I’d throw pebbles in the wishing well or go to my grandparents’ grave and sob salty tears telling them that I was misunderstood and missed them. Yes, I was a drama queen, but mostly I felt alone and disconnected. I didn’t know how to regulate my emotions which manifested as hyper sensitivity and overwhelm. I felt misunderstood and angry. My intense feelings were suppressed and turned to deep sorrow or hysteria that only Sprocket seemed to understand.

Limiting Beliefs – When dreams become dangerous

Often in life our dreams are moulded into a safe box of conformity. For example “You’re so talented at art, do you want to be an art teacher?” Why was an artist not suggested I wonder?

“Ballet school is in London so you might get lonely and the fees are very expensive, unless you got a scholarship… “. These limiting beliefs are established early on from a protective place of love and designed to keep you safe. But do you see how it starts to create a feeling of limit in young people? How it has impacted your life? These thoughts have been given to you, they are not you. Perhaps we really ought to be telling kids that the universe has got their backs, their potential is limitless and the possibilities are endless? It’s confusing to a kid to hear “you can do or be anything you want” but within reason or the confines of safety. You can’t add terms and conditions to infinite opportunity!

You are not a cartoon creative

“Creative folks are gifted with a constant stream of ideas and colourful plans but often they lack the ability or desire to implement them”. Really?

“They can’t get stuff done because they’re not practical”. 

Says who? The realist.

“Artists/writers/creatives are not great at self-discipline or completing a task, good at ideas but not so much at getting shit done”. Is that so? These are scripts that the realist is pushing on to you based on their own fears. It’s not you! The realist is turning you into a cartoon character creative. A disney princess who talks to the birds, an eccentric mad wizard who is humoured. That’s why a realist in your life can be toxic. My other half always listens, patiently assessing my latest scheme but the net result of his grounding influence can often leave me feeling a bit daft. I can see it in his eyes when I reel off an idea for a new business or a concept for an exhibition. He’s trying to be patient and caring but he can’t help pointing out the flaws or the barriers to success.

Sabotage: Maybe it’s more about noticing the rabbits

The realist is desperate to put a framework and timeline to what is likely initially just a spark of an idea. They’re desperate for you to get to the point and decide on a final destination. What’s the point? Why do you want to do it? Who will run it when you get bored? Are all questions the realist will wearily pose. But what if as cliche as it may sound it’s about noticing rabbits playing in a field on a train journey enjoying the view along the way rather than the more direct grey, motorway on a drizzly day outcome? What realists don’t understand is that passion can be sufficient of a driving force to getting shit done. If of course the fire isn’t extinguished too early at the newspaper and kindling stage. Fire is a good analogy actually. I’ll let you into a secret, often realists wish they had what you have, so there’s a fair bit of jealousy and sabotage going on. They just package it as legitimate concern and supportive guidance. Creatives are the kids and realists are the adults. But you would never tell a kid you can’t do it, you’re not clever enough or another kid is better at something than you, it would be cruel to crush their spirits. See what I’m saying.

Parting wisdom

You need to nurture your inner puppy-child, you know the one I mean. The fluffy one with innocent eyes and a happy to see you wagging tail. You need to feed it love and support, to know that it is seen, heard and appreciated. Don’t look to others especially those close to you to do that. It’s only something you can do for yourself. My advice is to build your self-confidence. When you know in your heart that your thoughts and ideas are powerful that is what manifests. You were put on this earth to create and be your own beautiful self, everything else is just noise.


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